Middle seats on planes are unpopular – so what can we learn from those who pick them? | Emma Beddington

For people who love the middle seat, the attractions are many, from a taste of humility to ethical entitlement to the armrests to ‘strangermaxxing’, writes Guardian columnist Emma Beddington

Embracing friction and inconvenience in our lives is a 2026 trend, but the New York Times has drawn my attention to individuals who are frictionmaxxing further than most of us might be able to fathom: travellers who choose the awkward, inconvenient middle seat on planes.

Airlines expect us to pay extra to choose our seat now, and refusing means becoming the filling in a stranger sandwich, but actively embracing that seems perverse. Some, I learned, claim middle seats offer the best of both worlds – you can see out of the window but enjoy a relatively easy escape – and you’re “ethically entitled to both arm rests” (good luck explaining that to your neighbours). Others treat it as an exercise in Zen humility. I suppose relinquishing main-character energy could make travel less painful? “Be grateful that you’re flying and that’s it,” as James Cashen, a middle seater, explained his philosophy on TikTok.

Cashen said his secret coping power was to strike up conversations. “Embrace the leadership role … You’re the glue,” he said. Responding to appalled commenters, Cashen clarified that he went with the flow rather than initiating. This made me wonder: when I fly with my husband (Europe’s most restless traveller), I’m a default middle-seater. Perhaps, buried in a book, with earplugs in, I’m missing out? Could I be forging friendships or at least having an interesting chat?

That may appal you, but I’m reading psychologist Dr Gillian Sandstrom’s forthcoming book on talking to strangers, and she is evangelical about the many benefits: we learn, make connections, stimulate our creativity and get more comfortable with uncertainty and rejection.

I asked Sandstrom if she had tips for in-flight strangermaxxing. She’s not a voluntary middle-seater, she says, but embraces the opportunity when it arises: she recently learned about US cross-country bike racing from a Polish seatmate (“Apparently, Kentucky has the most courteous drivers, but also the scariest dogs”). Her advice? Engage either on take-off or near landing by asking a question, maybe what they’ve bought in duty free, or tips on your destination. “What do you think of middle-seat people?” might also be an interesting one.

• Emma Beddington is a Guardian columnist