Spot the conversation hogger – and do something about it | Letter

Letter: Penelope Mavor suggests that listening is not a passive act, so you could interrupt the flow

These conversational hoggers … don’t they know we were born with two ears and one mouth for a reason? Thank you, Anita Chaudhuri, for a fun, well observed and useful article (‘But enough about you …’ How to survive in a world of monologuists, interrupters and trauma dumpers, 13 September).

It is an interesting reflection to see which of the five hoggers more frequently turn up in our own lives. As a people pleaser and introvert, I have a track record of meeting many monologuists. I pretend to listen, but secretly resent them and their audacity. I just want them to ask about me.

I have learned that although interruption can feel violent, sometimes it is a courageous act. When the speaker has just lost connection with the audience and themselves, we have to bring them back. That is what I loved most about the article – it reminded us that we do have options. We can start noticing how we turn up. How am I listening and speaking? What is my responsibility here?

A great listener can help to transform the conversation – listening is not a passive act. And in talking, am I actually being interesting? Am I talking as if being listened to?

Life is always inviting us into a conversation … with ourselves and each other.
Penelope Mavor
Director, Earth Converse

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