‘She didn’t want that pain’: Paola Marra’s brother despairs of Lords block on assisted dying bill

On second anniversary of his sister ending her life at Dignitas, Tony Marra will protest outside parliament with other campaigners

Two years after Paola Marra, on the eve of her death, appealed to politicians to change the law on assisted dying, the terminally ill adults (end of life) bill is stuck in the House of Lords. For her brother, the second anniversary of her death will be spent protesting outside parliament.

Marra died aged 53 on 20 March 2024. She documented her solo journey from north London to Dignitas in Switzerland in photographs and a short film by the photographer Rankin, released posthumously, as well as in a powerful interview with the Guardian.

The Canadian-born former music industry and charity worker ended her life after suffering with terminal breast and bowel cancer. She told the Guardian: “I’m not scared to die. I’m scared of dying in pain.”

She said it would be “insane” if the practice was not legalised in the UK, adding it had cost £15,000 and for people unable to afford that the law “will force them to endure a painful death, or drive them to take their own lives”.

Tony Marra, 57, has flown from Canada to join terminally ill and bereaved campaigners to mark the anniversary in Parliament Square on Friday, organised by the campaign group Dignity in Dying. They aim to highlight what they describe as the “filibustering” of the bill for England and Wales by a small number of peers.

Earlier this week, members of the Scottish parliament voted 69 to 57 against legalising assisted dying.

Marra is despairing. “It’s shocking that there’s just a handful of peers blocking progress in allowing compassionate assisted dying,” he told the Guardian. “It’s too late for Paola, but I’m thinking of her friends with terminal illnesses. And they want change in the law and they want the choice if it comes to that and they are in too much pain and want control over their suffering.

“It is frustrating [because] the majority of people want it – the public and politicians.”

Having been passed by MPs in the Commons in a free vote by a majority of 55 last year, the bill, which would allow terminally ill adults in England and Wales expected to die within six months to seek help to end their own life, has stalled in the Lords and looks likely to run out of time and thus fail. Peers are at the committee stage, which is a line-by-line review where amendments they submit are debated and voted on.

More than 1,200 amendments have been tabled, principally from opponents of the bill. Only three days of debate remain before the king’s speech in May, with about half of the amendments yet to be discussed.

Marra had wanted to travel to Zurich with his sister. They planned to “have a few days in Switzerland eating great chocolate” before her death, but she decided she must go alone, fearing legal consequences for him.

She knew her suffering and pain was increasing with the disease. “She didn’t want that pain and those side-effects,” he said. “So, and here’s the real kicker, because she had to travel to Switzerland alone, it actually cost her two or three months of her life because she had to be well enough to travel solo. She had to go earlier. So it cost her another visit from me, it cost her time with her friends.”

He added: “I think the people opposed to the bill, they see it as an ugly thing, picking a time and place where you will die. But it actually can be beautiful. That’s what a lot of people miss. It can be beautiful – people you most love around you in your final hours with control. It always comes back to control, I think. After a disease has ravaged you for years, to actually say: ‘Well no, in my final days I’m the one that’s in control, not this disease.’”

He has written to MPs and peers, telling them his sister’s story. “I get a little choked up thinking about it – her leading with the heart, and a personal story, a human story I think that really resonates more than anything.”

More than 100 Labour MPs have urged Keir Starmer to ensure there is time for a decision to be reached, but it appears that is unlikely. Opinion polls consistently record public support in the UK of around three-quarters in favour of assisted dying with strict controls. But opponents of legalisation fear it could increase pressure on some vulnerable people to end their own lives.

Sarah Wootton, the chief executive of Dignity in Dying, said: “Paola’s death has a lasting legacy. Her voice – and those of so many dying people and families – have changed this debate for ever. But people are still having to make the same impossible journeys, facing the same impossible choices that Paola did.

“That will continue until parliament is allowed a final say on the terminally ill adults (end of life) bill. Parliament has started to answer their pleas for change. Now they must finish the job, and government must make sure that happens.”