Mike Wozniak: ‘An RAF officer didn’t like my sketch about the Queen Mum so he set off the fire alarm’

The comedian on non-verbal heckles, one-legged dancing before gigs and his new show about benches

Why did you get into comedy?
I was told the only copy of a map to the lost, golden city of Paititi was hidden in the green-room toilet (ie, sink) of a UK comedy club. Doing standup seemed the best way to gain access. I’m still looking.

Where do you find material?
Woolworths used to have a decent section for it but since they closed, I’ve been struggling.

What’s been one of your all-time favourite gigs?
Tough one this, so I’ll plump for any and all gigs at Always Be Comedy (ABC), Kennington, south London (finest comedy club in the land) or any and all gigs at Machynlleth comedy festival (finest comedy festival in the land). Most of your readers will, no doubt, be after an Exeter-specific recommendation in which case please allow me to direct them towards Locally Sourced at the Little Drop of Poison on Fore Street which happens (nearly) every Tuesday night. It’s a superb and chaotic scratch night with new material, new acts and bizarre experiments all lovingly curated by the unimprovable Will Adamsdale.

Any preshow rituals?
Nothing much really. Just the usual one-legged dance followed by ear candling followed by self-SodaStreaming followed by ironing the shirts of the nearest bishop followed by screaming into an empty crisp packet (cheese and onion) followed by Duolingo if there’s time.

Can you remember a gig so bad, it’s now funny?
High levels of empathy failure in this question.

Best heckle?
Non-verbal. If by “best” you mean “most effective”: an RAF officer at a show on an air base didn’t like what he saw so set off the fire alarm. Game, set and match. Can’t blame him. We were young and reckless and doing a sketch about the Queen Mum without considering what the “R” in RAF stood for. Since that time none of those involved in the show have received a knighthood or a damehood or even so much as an Order of the Garter. Coincidence?

What has inspired your latest show, The Bench?
A bench.

You’ve promised audiences that they don’t need any previous experience of benches. What’s your own relationship with them like?
Deeply personal and impossible to answer in short. Those who come to see the show will see me wear my bench on my sleeve, however.

What was the last thing that made you laugh?
My sister. Private joke. Soz.

Worst advice you’ve ever been given?
“Try pouring red wine on it.”

Best advice you wish to give?
It might not be going as badly as you think (but it might be).

What are you working on at the moment?
Leaky roof.

• Mike Wozniak: The Bench is on tour in the UK until 12 November