To the friends who were there when I became a full-time carer – your kindness has carried me through
When her mum fell ill, writer Minreet Kaur’s life was turned upside down. Overnight, she had to become a full-time carer – and at times, she felt isolated and unable to care for herself. Here, she thanks the friends who were there to pull her through
Dear friends,
I know I’ve thanked you many times before, and even now I still do. You’ve always said there’s no need, but when I sit back and reflect on the last three years – the years since my life changed when I became a carer to my mum after she was diagnosed with cancer – I realise there will always be a need. Gratitude doesn’t run out. It stays with you.
Her diagnosis came as a complete shock. One moment, life felt normal; and the next, everything shifted. Suddenly, I was the one responsible and I don’t have much close family to lean on. Overnight, my world became caring for my mum – cooking meals, helping her move around the house, taking her to appointments, managing the household, and trying to stay strong even when I felt like I was falling apart inside.
I was broken and mentally drained. As a carer, I didn’t have the capacity to care for myself. I remember those dark days so clearly – sitting at home, staring at the same four walls, feeling lonely and overwhelmed. I was constantly on the go, up at the crack of dawn and going to sleep late at night, running on chai, an empty stomach and very little rest. I gave up my full-time job. Everything changed.
I had no idea what the future would hold, except the constant fear that lived in the back of my mind: What if this is it for my mum?
I never imagined that in my early 40s I would become a sole carer. I also never imagined I would suddenly be learning to cook proper Indian meals from scratch. Let’s just say there were a few early attempts that my mum bravely ate – and we both pretended they were delicious. We survived on trial and error, langar meals from the gurdwara and a lot of hope.
Along the way, I lost friendships because many people didn’t understand what caring really means – the exhaustion, the isolation, the constant worry. But I gained something far more precious: the three of you.
Bharti, you constantly checked in on me and treated me like your daughter. You would ask if I needed anything and remind me that I could always come over to stay. You told me to bring my washing because I live in an old house without a washing machine, and otherwise I would be making regular trips to the launderette like it was my second home. When I came to your house, you would make my favourite food, sit me down, and insist I rest – not just physically, but emotionally. You always sent me home with bags of food, enough to feed a small army. You made me feel safe, cared for, and like family. Even now, with Mum still unwell, your door remains open, and your support never wavers.
Rosie, you would quietly drop off food, no fuss, no questions – just kindness. You listened to me when I needed to talk, and helped me search for a better home after Mum started sleeping on the sofa when the stairs became too much for her. You saw how tired I was, even when I tried to hide it, and you stepped in without being asked. That kind of care is something I will never forget.
Sophia, you helped me find a way forward when I had to leave my full-time job and step into freelancing. You spent time with me brainstorming ideas, looking for opportunities, and reminding me that I still had a future beyond caring. You welcomed me into your home, made me laugh – proper, belly laughs – at a time when laughter felt impossible. Sometimes those moments of laughter were the only light in very heavy days.
You carried me through those three years – and you continue to carry me even now as Mum faces illness again. Through every hospital appointment, every setback, and every moment of fear, you reminded me to hold on to faith, to pray, and to keep going. Even when my mum was at her weakest, you helped me stay strong.
You’ve shown me what real friendship looks like – not just in words, but in actions, in consistency, and in love. I am deeply grateful to have friends like you in my life. Friends who are not just friends, but family.
Love, Minreet
We all deserve someone who cares
That’s why at AXA Health insurance, we build our teams with people who care, so when you need it, we’re here to support you. We’ll help you access the care you need quickly. But more than that, we listen, we support, we care.
With the AXA Health Plan, you can get insurance that flexes for the whole family. You can cover loved ones living elsewhere and have the flexibility to tailor the cover for each person, all under a single plan.
And opting to include our cancer care option on your AXA Health plan offers peace of mind and the feeling of reassurance. If you’re diagnosed with a new cancer that begins after you’ve joined, you’ll have quick access to cancer treatment via specialists and other health professionals. You’ll also be allocated a dedicated case manager to support you, by phone, every step of the way.
For cover that cares, search AXA Health. Pre-existing conditions are not covered, and cover is subject to your policy terms and the care options you’ve chosen.