‘I’m driving to Spain with my dog Pablo’: how empty nesters are living life to the fullest
Extra time, extra money, extra energy: when the children leave the home, parents suddenly find themselves with all the ingredients required for an adventurous life
Children leaving the family home for good can be a sensitive time. Research shows parents reporting sentiments of grief, while others feel like a part of them is missing. A home once filled with noise and laughter (and endless dirty washing) can start to feel painfully quiet and empty. But after the initial intense response, this period of life can be an exciting new chapter.
For many empty nesters, this equates to more time, money and mental capacity for pursuing personal pastimes and pleasures. Whether that’s extra funds for holidays abroad, the time to engage in hobbies that have been put on hold, or searching out new friends to fill the social gap left by loved ones. It seems the secret to a successful second act is to fill the space that children leave with adventure …
PR and travel blogger Vanessa Munnings lives with her dog Pablo in Oundle, Northamptonshire
“I’ve always wanted to write a book and start a travel blog, and I finally found the time to do both,” says Vanessa Munnings, whose daughters Lottie, 24 and Lucy, 25 have both moved out of the family home, leaving Munnings, who owns a PR company, a free agent.
With her daughters living in London, the former journalist realised that the number of free hours she had was stacking up. “I love my girls and I really miss them, but it does free up a lot of my time not having them here,” she says. “I’m not picking up cups off the floor, socks off the sofa, hanging their washing up, constantly loading and unloading the dishwasher, or having to drive them here and there – the car is now for fun trips with my dog Pablo.”
Munnings, who is in her early 50s, has used this extra time to focus on her passion for writing, something that had taken a back seat for years. “I’ve managed to write a book,” she says. “It’s about my dad who died quite recently, it’s kind of about the journey he went through – so it was very cathartic.”
What Munnings has enjoyed most is having the funds and freedom to take trips nearly every month and also work on her travel blog: thesunlounger.co.uk. “I’ve really ramped it up. I love writing and I love travelling, so it is a dream pastime for me” she says. “I’ve just driven back from rural Portugal, I’ll be driving to Le Touquet-Paris-Plage in France this weekend, then travelling to the Greek islands next month. I’m driving back to France in September, then there’s a tour around the Iberian peninsula, and I’m planning to go to Jamaica later in the year.”
While Munnings plans holidays with the girls and her partner, Tony, in advance, she has the freedom to jump in the car with Pablo and head off on ad hoc trips whenever she wants. “We’ve driven to France, Spain and Germany together,” she says, explaining that podenco Pablo is a rescue dog from Spain. “He’s used to being in the car with me, and he’ll be coming to Spain and Portugal when I go later this year.”
Munnings admits that she didn’t expect to enjoy her empty nesting this much. “From what I’d heard, when the kids left I was expecting to be in mourning,” she says. “But when it happened, I just felt really happy for my kids because they’re living their best lives, too. And it’s wonderful to see.”
Stephanie and James Tompkins, from Bicester in Oxfordshire, have recently retired
“I drive to the local golf club and do everything from weight classes and yoga sessions to swimming. I’ve joined the walking group there, and over the last six months, I’ve taken up line dancing – complete with cowboy hat and boots,” says Stephanie Tompkins, explaining how she and husband James have found a new zest for life since their two daughters flew the nest. The couple have truly embraced their empty nester status, taking regular holidays to Crete and Ibiza, or jumping in the car and heading on cycling and walking breaks around the UK whenever they feel like it, or to meet friends – enjoying busy social lives that rivals that of their children.
The Tompkins got their first taste of empty nesting more than 20 years ago when their younger daughter, Louise, left for university – but that was short-lived. Just a few months later, their older daughter, Rachel, was back home to study for a postgraduate degree at a nearby university. “We had a few more moving back-ins after that too,” says Stephanie, who used to work as a PA to a headteacher. “We’ve accommodated them when there were relationship breakups or rental agreements not working out, and when they were trying to save money. We’ve welcomed it – it’s been an open door.”
But now that the couple’s daughters have settled into their own homes and have young children, Stephanie and James are relishing the next chapter of their lives. One of the major turning points came as a result of joining the local golf club and leisure centre.
“There’s a pool, swimming lake, a book club, lots of classes and social events,” says Stephanie. “While I thought it was quite expensive, the girls encouraged me to join, saying: ‘Mum, you don’t need to worry about us now, you’ve worked all your life – do something for yourself.’ And I’m so glad I joined, because I found a really good group of friends.”
Stephanie and James are keen to try new things and make the most of the freedom that an empty nest brings. “Our lives haven’t stopped,” says Stephanie. “It’s sort of a new chapter, in some ways, I’ve probably found myself more.”
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